so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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