it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
