Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
