My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
