yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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