okay pat passed out under dana's car
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
