There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
