Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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