LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
