Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
