Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
