So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
