I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
