the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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