Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
