I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
