If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
