I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
