I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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