I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
