My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
