just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
