we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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