he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
