is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
