I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
