if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
