Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
