party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
