apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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