Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
