I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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