alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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