turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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