We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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