I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
