I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
