Don't make out with my wife yet
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
