Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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