Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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