You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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