She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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