Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
