I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
