So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
