DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
