I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
