A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
