Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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