hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
