..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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