i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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