Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
