accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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