I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
