only if we run a train.
done.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
