I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
