Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
