Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
