Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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